And you know what?
I've missed you! I realized how much when CPQ came through. I realized how much I've missed of her blog. And how much I've missed of several others. So, I'm making a renewed effort to get back into the swing of the blog.
I'll still struggle, but you know what I'm being reminded? The struggle is still okay. I don't have to be perfect. I've been wrestling with myself this weekend over my lack of perfection. It culminated in a pretty big melt down Friday night (the temporary comatose state of my Mac didn't help...she's all better now).
Have you ever had those moments (or weeks or months...) where you just didn't feel like you were doing anything very well? I felt like I was failing at motherhood, wifehood, friendhood...I was dropping the ball in every "hood".
I'm trying to do better. I see areas where I need to improve. I don't expect to be Martha Stewart overnight (though the holidays are coming and I'm sure expectations will rise), but I do want to keep from falling on my face from tripping over things as I walk through my living room. I'd like to not hear my children say, "I don't want cereal for dinner again!" They actually said that a couple of weeks ago and I believe it was the beginning of the spiral down into the depths this weekend!
I had all of these thoughts in high school and college about what kind of mom I would be. I was pretty far off the mark. I yell. I'm impatient. I don't have snacks ready for my kids when they get out of school. And clearly, I feed them cereal for dinner on occasion.
But I'm trying. And I love my kids. And I love my husband. And I love my family. And I love my friends (real life and bloggy).
So here's to trying!
I forgot to take pictures of Mariah's first day of school because it was also my first day as a teacher here in Corsicana and...you know...I was worried about my own stuff. That's about how it's been for these first two weeks of balancing part-time teaching, part-time writing, and full-time motherhood. I was wallowing in the shame of it, but Matt talked me off the ledge, so to speak, and insisted that I sleep in today.
ReplyDeleteAll this to say, I feel you. Sometimes we just can't keep all the balls in the air and it feels super crappy. But here's a thought: Back in the day, at Walt's, I often chose cereal for dinner. Still do. So they'll be well prepared for college life. :)
And I haven't blogged since June 24. I'm impressed that you found any time at all to post this!
It was water to my dry soul seeing you this weekend. And knowing that you have SOO much on your plate and that you still made time for me was truly an honor.
ReplyDeleteLove you friend!
You are a good mommy.
ReplyDeleteOK....so I know how you feel, but yesterday I was missing the friend that you already ARE. I was pulling out of my complex, and thought about how I missed being able to run across the street. Don't be too hard on yourself. Have YOU had cereal for breakfast lately? It's pretty dad-gum good!
ReplyDeleteYou are a great mom! you can tell by your children! When you yell a bit, it makes your children learn resilience; when you cry, they learn compassion; when you serve cereal, they learn to be self-sufficient. When all is not perfect, they learn to cope and still see the glass half full. It makes the good times even better!!
ReplyDeleteI have missed you in this screen more than you know, but totally understand your feelings of overwhelmedness.
ReplyDeleteYou are a tremendous mother and wife and friend.
I have missed you, Lori!
ReplyDeleteI understand your feelings of doing lots of things but doing none of them well. Ugh. Hang in there. Hold on to what is true. You love your family, your friends, and they know that!
You have been greatly missed.
ReplyDeleteI've been there so many times "there" thinks I'm a permanent resident. Although it's an uncomfortable place, I think it ends up being a good thing if you use it as a jumping off point. Any person who doesn't have room for improvement is not a person worth my time.
You are an amazing wife and mother and friend...You're just relearning a new normal. It takes time to find places for everything.
I love you muchly.
P.S. Thank you for my t-shirt.