Okay, have any of you ever had issues with lying? Not you personally. That's not a road I feel we need to travel, if it's there. I'm talking about with your kids. My eldest has issues. We need to nip it in bud. This is an on-going issue. Today, he did a whopper! My little guys comes downstairs crying and saying his brother hit him in the back. We take off his shirt and there is a perfectly formed, bright red hand print. We call Eldest downstairs (I realize I usually use names, but it seems inappropriate in this post. I'm pretending you don't already know who I'm talking about, thus being discreet). He walks in and SWEARS he did not hit him...screams that he did not hit him...in spite of the evidence. We even had him hold his hand to the perfectly fitting hand print.
He has since come down and confessed so we decided to reward him for that bit of honesty, thus not taking EVERY SINGLE POSSESSION out of his room as we had planned. But we need a plan B. The challenge? It's Spring Break. We are leaving town tomorrow to go to my mom's house. I have to work Thursday and Friday in Dallas. So the normal things we would take away from him don't really work right now, because they are on break from all normal activities.
Now, we don't spank in our house. That's no judgment on those who do, it's just a choice we have made. I need something creative, jarring and effective! Please give me something that has worked for you, you've heard has worked for others, or you've always wanted to try on your kids but haven't.
Looking to rear an honest fellow,
Mom on the edge...
3.24.2009
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We've always told our kids that you don't get in trouble for telling the truth, but you always get in trouble for lying.
ReplyDeleteWhat's his favorite thing? Nintendo DS for the long car ride? Ipod? Computer privileges? Maybe that goes for however long you deem appropriate.
We took computer and tv away, and our biggest offender has been on the straight and narrow for a while now.
Ugh. Lying is so tough. It is the worst of all the offenses.
ReplyDeleteI'm with CPQ...take away the stuff that he can use on this trip.
But, I'm so sorry....you're going to grandma's house....good luck with any help on that end of things.
We initially tried the "never get in trouble for lying" like CPQ, but that had at tendency to backfire at our house because it became a "Get Out of Jail Free Card" of sorts. Now our rule is that if you get caught in a lie, you get punished twice: once for the offense and one for lying.
ReplyDeleteFor short-term consequences we also take away privileges, favorite toys. As a more long-term consequence (because we don't always get an immediate opportunity to do it) is that the first time he needs us to trust his version of a story or trust anything he says, we automatically don't. We want to teach him that a horrible consequence of lying is that you lose people's trust and the privilege to be taken at your word.
If this continues to be a problem, email me and I'll tell you an extreme solution we tried out of desperation that was pretty effective. This was only after a prolonged period of lie after lie after lie, so I'd save it for when I really needed it.
I'm so sorry! Isn't being a mom the hardest most wonderful job ever?!
I have no good solutions for you. We deal with this problem as well with our oldest. It seems like the age they are at,this seems to be a very common problem. I say that so you know your child is not the only one doing this! We struggle with this and have no effective method of discipline for this. I have always told my kids that your punishment is so much smaller if you do something wrong and tell me the truth. We have run into the problem of taking away priviledges and favorite things(ipod,wii,etc) and then all of a sudden "he never liked those things so he doesn't care if we take it away". I will keep reading your comments and hopefully I will get some insite as well. Good luck friend!!
ReplyDeleteWe start taking the electronics away at our house...nothing straightens my daughter out quicker than threatening to take her computer time or music away. I agree with the others. My kids still get in trouble, but it is easier on them if they tell the truth, plus the older they get you have to teach them that trust is earned. I tell my kids that every time they lie, it gets harder to believe in them and what they are saying. I have found that nothing bothers my kids more than the thought that Mommy doesn't believe them. That helps along the way in teaching them not to lie. Good luck, I'm afraid it doesn't get any easier the older they become!
ReplyDeleteOne of my kids can be pretty crafty with the lying. Ugh.
ReplyDeleteTaking away Wii, DS, or now his cell phone has worked. Another consequence has been taking away some freedom. I now pick him up from school instead of allowing him to ride the bus.
I don't know if this would be effective with my son, but I've thought about looking up scriptures about the tongue and honesty and making him do some forced memorization. Or maybe make him read and write me an essay. He'd hate me I'm sure, but perhaps it would somehow "connect" within his heart. IDK. I've resisted because it does have a forced feel to it.
BTW, we rarely spank around here too.