It's A Mishmash

I've been waiting...anticipating. I finally stopped. Got comfortable (a little) and it happened.

My manager called me this morning. He never calls me. I had stepped away from my desk, so I saw his name on caller ID.

I knew.

So I called him back.

I was right.

I was being "impacted", "downsized", "restructured". Whatever stupid, softer name they wanted to use.

I was laid off.

Now, I know it's not personal. I'm a good employee. I'm a hard worker. 8 years ago my company had 96,000 employees. Right now we they have between 25,000 and 20,000. Years of "restructuring". There are only good employees left. The company is, I'm afraid, dying.

So what does that mean for me? Well, right now, it's a mishmash of feelings.

Relief
I've been unhappy in my job for a while. I want to do something good. Writing training for wireless networks is not fulfilling. It's also been SO stressful. Wondering if I would be next. Now I know the answer is yes.

I've been working two jobs with my photography and my day job. It's been exhausting.

Fear
We aren't fully prepared for this financially. Whoever is? We are more prepared than we have been in the past. We got word that would be no severance back in January. So we've been saving money. And we've done well. But not well enough.

I'm not sure how God will provide. I'm not sure where He will take us with this. I'm afraid it will be out of this house that I love. I don't want creditors callings. Been there. Done that. Got the T-shirt.

Trust
God has protected me for 10 years in this job. I know he's still there...protecting me. I'm not curled up in the fetal position on the bathroom floor (as I think maybe I would be). I'm not hysterical. I really am trusting.

I did a Bible study back in the fall on this book:
I think God was preparing me. The thing that has stuck with me the most from this study (which was about what we can learn from the plight of those trapped between the cliffs and the Red Sea and the on-coming army) what this:

The question is not "How can get I out of this?" But rather "how can God be glorified through this?"

It also says that the God that led them there. Still knew they were there. He didn't forget about them, though some of them probably felt that he had. I firmly believe that He is going to lead us to a better life. A better season.

Excitement
Strangely enough, I do feel excited. I know there are very difficult times ahead. My kids may hear the words "no, you can't have that right now" a little more often (but is that such a bad thing?). I am excited to see how God leads us through.

I'm excited to see what He has in store.

I'm excited to not have to go to a j0b I really don't like every day.

I'm excited to be able to be with the kids when they get home from school and not hear someone say "Shhhhhh, Mommy can't talk to you. She's in a meeting"

I'm excited to pour my heart into my photography.

I'm excited to get back into scrapbooking

Most of all, I'm excited to step out (okay, be pushed out) on faith and see what God will do!

Say a prayer for my family today. And hug yours. They are more important than any job.